Two dairy cows were grazing in a lush pasture when a shiny, chrome-like milk tanker behind a semi blows by. The tank was lettered "Grade A Milk — Homogenized, Pasteurized, Vitamin D Added." As the truck disappeared around the bend, one cow stated to the other, "Kind of makes you feel inadequate, don't it?".
This past weekend we took a Brannon family mini-trek to Atlanta to catch a ball game or two. In any large group there are always those who are late, so I got to catch some quality TV time as in channel flipping (an event that drives my wife nuts). During this exercise, I got to view commercial after commercial that drew my interest. Taking this from head to toe, I saw products that would regrow one's thinning grey hair, control my dandruff, remove my wrinkles and eliminate that ear wax that must be the source of my hearing loss. Ok, then I could, for a fraction of the cost of real hearing aids, get enhanced vocal recognition that could even let me hear squirrels talking to each other (that is where I heard the cow joke).
Continuing on down the bod, I could get products to lessen my neck pain, back pain and hip pain — all without surgery or exercise on my part — except for pulling the wallet out of the hip pocket. Now being careful here in this area, I could get relief from passing pineapples (the main reason I don't eat whole pineapples), softening my large intestine contents, or if needed, stopping the flow altogether.
And ladies, there are safety undergarments that are really sexy, as modeled with confidence, until you take time to really think about it (at this point, I wish to point out that this dealer still has bowels and kidneys that act like clockwork — at 6:01 every morning my bowels move and at 6:02 my kidneys act — then I wake up about 6:03).
Continuing on, restless legs, aching knees, gouty thighs and throbbing ankles all have copper-infused treatments or hosiery to alleviate the issues. Finally, flat feet are cured along with that nasty toe fungus I might have if I could bend over enough to see the toes.
Now what is the point of all this? Simply, I never stopped to think about all these inadequacies until I got away from the dealership. So fellow dealers, take heart — our dealerships, with all their headaches, keep us from even knowing things like Pyrone's disease even exist.
Mainstream America has no clue what real issues are, like warranty claims, customers who don't read the operators manual but look at YouTube videos from some idiot expert who can only operate a camera, or the ones who come in at 5 PM with an armload of literature from all day shopping and ask "Can you beat this 27-item package deal?"
So, I realized that we farm implement dealers are indeed not inadequate. We keep the farmers and weekend warrior community afloat. We are more than adequate and much happier that those who ingest this visual garbage on a daily basis.
So now that I have explained how the rest of the world lives, get out there and sell something! Until next time wishing you miles of smiles and profits.
Told from the perspective of an in-the-trenches owner/operator — Tim Brannon of B&G Equipment, Paris, Tenn. — Equipment Dealer Tips, Tales & Takeaways shares knowledge, experiences and tips/lessons with fellow rural equipment dealerships throughout North America. Covering all aspects required of an equipment dealership general manager, Brannon will inform, entertain and provide a teachable moment for current — and future — leaders within equipment dealerships.
More From Tim Brannon
- What Makes Independence Day So Great?
- Confessions of an Allis-Chalmers ‘Tech-Man’, Part 2
- Confessions of an Allis-Chalmers ‘Tech-Man’, Part 1
- When Someone 'Moves the Keys' On Your Dealership
- My Days as an OEM ‘Blockman’
Equipment Dealer Tips, Tales & Takeaways is brought to you by the Solectrac.
It’s Solectrac's mission to lead the transition to zero-emissions regenerative agriculture, and utility operations with best-in-class technology for a safer, cleaner and healthier future.