Written by Tim Brannon, owner of B&G Equipment of Paris, Tenn.
'Twas the week before New Year and all through the store
all the salesmen were plotting for next year — how to sell more.
The bookkeeper was frazzled, all covered in tax forms
In hopes the IRS would not unleash all their scorn.
The mechanics were snuggling with and rearranging their tools
in hopes that St. Nick will fill in all the missing holes.
With the parts men in inventory and I on the 'puter
we had all settled down to figure out how to survive the winter.
When out on the lot, there arose such a clatter
I sprang from my laptop to see what was the matter
away to the front door I flew like a flash
opened the front door, tripped and busted my asspirations. (sic)
The sun on the lot of the new-fallen snow
Gave the luster of mid-day to the equipment for show.
When, what to my wondering eyes should appear,
But a customer! A buyer, wanting to trade in the old Deere!
His eyes — how they twinkled! His new pickup, its diesel rattled,
as he got out and looked, sticker shock he did battle.
His eye grew wide and his brain strived to capture
the amount of digits in the list price of this high horsepower tractor.
With an earthquake sound, so lively and quick,
all the salesmen came to life and started vocalizing their shticks.
More rapid than eagles the sales features they came,
while the customer wondered how these men he could tame.
"Now, AGCO, now Massey, now Case and IH
On, Deere, on New Holland and Kubota — oh wait
The customer's head, it was spinning and beginning to stall
'cause he heard ten thousand features as they named them all.
As diesel smoke that before the wild hurricane flows
When they meet with an obstacle, the salesmen rush to the close.
So up to the credit manager like coursers they flew,
With all the retail orders and the customer, too.
And then, in a twinkling, I heard on the keyboards
The prancing and pawing of each pecking finger.
As I stuck in my head, and was looking around,
around the corner the receptionist came with a bound.
They dressed him in caps and jackets from head to his foot,
prior his clothes had been matched from cap to his boots;
Now with his new clothes he had flung on his back,
And he looked like a peddler just missing his pack.
Now he was still dazed and confused but figuring it out,
And I worried when I saw him, cause the deal wasn't that stout.
But a wink of his eye and a twist of his head,
Soon gave me to know I had nothing to dread;
He spoke not a word, but signed on the line as the clerk,
a promise in good faith, then he turned with a jerk.
And laying his finger aside of his nose,
giving a nod, away with a new tractor he drove.
He sprang to his new steed, saying 'this tractor's the best,'
he yelled to the service manager "is the tank full of DEF?"
But I heard him exclaim, ere he drove off in high gear,
"Geez, you would think I was the first customer they had had all year!"